From The Mag


photo by Flickr user Toho Scope | source:
Written by The Fuckin' Pilot

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Originally printed in issue #52 (March 2014) of Blue Skies Magazine.
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pervert /pərˈvərt/ verb

  1. distort or corrupt the original course, meaning, or state of (something).
    synonyms: distort, warp, corrupt, subvert, twist, abuse, divert, deflect, misapply, misuse, misrepresent, misinterpret, misconstrue, falsify, garble
  1. lead (someone) away from what is considered natural or acceptable.
    synonyms: corrupt, lead astray, deprave, make degenerate, debauch, debase, warp, vitiate, pollute, poison, contaminate
  1. sexually abnormal and or generally considered unacceptable.
    synonyms: unnatural, deviant, warped, corrupt, twisted, abnormal, unhealthy, depraved, immoral, corrupted, degenerate, evil, wicked, vile, rotten, wrong, bad

Well let’s face it, the word pervert certainly isn’t a word that most of us skydivers haven’t heard at least once or twice. Usually it involves the shit that happens at the Tiki Bar sometime between the hours of two and five in the morning after partaking in some type of liquid and/or chemical entertainment. Sometimes it’s on the back deck at Cross Keys at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday and involves peanut butter and a dog. Sometimes it’s occasionally just the words that seem to come streaming so naturally from the average jumper’s mouth, but it wasn’t until recently that I heard the term used to describe an average, everyday skydive.

It was a normal conversation on what had to be considered a pretty normal date. The average chit-chatty, nervous, get-to-know-you blather had actually started to make its way into something more closely resembling a conversation, and both she and I were starting to make our minds and opinions known. We hit politics, we hit religion, we covered East Coast versus West Coast, creamy or chunky, tea or coffee …

Not one to pull punches, and also being of the mindset that the sooner my date knows that I’m a retired stripper nicknamed Princess, the sooner I am able to weed out the bullshit. So by the second glass of wine, the stripper thing had been aired out and laughed at, with a few very mild stories of that profession tossed about for amusement. The explanation of the nickname Princess had been covered shortly after, as it’s fairly easy to see how a man who never used to drink alcohol AND spent the better part of his adult life in a thong and Doc Martin boots might end up with such a title again went across with little fanfare. But then my time (18 years now) spent as a professional skydiver became the topic of discussion, and I’ll be damned if I wasn’t flat-out told that she considered skydiving as a profession to be a terribly perverted way to live one’s life. I was floored.

Stripper, pervert. Guy named Princess, pervert. Ex-raver with a fairly healthy appetite for sex, pervert. All understandable, mostly earned and in some cases dead on. But skydiver, perverted??? What the fuck?

PD New Beginning

Her explanation was pretty much dead on definition #2 listed above. To lead (someone) away from what is considered natural or acceptable. To corrupt, lead astray, deprave, make degenerate, debauch, debase, warp, vitiate, pollute, poison, contaminate. As you can imagine, I was pretty fucking insulted by the entire concept and image she had of skydiving, skydivers and the lifestyle that we lead—until I put a little thought into it.

We all need something to help us unwind at the end of the day. You might have a glass of wine, or a joint, or a big delicious blob of chocolate to silence the crap that never seems to stop flowing through your head, but for some of us, there has to be some real form of punctuation, or life just seems utterly relentless. In my date’s mind, the wine, the chocolate or even the joint was a perfectly normal and acceptable way to help her unwind the twistings of day-to-day life, but a skydive was just way too over the top.

When I tried to explain to her that going out to do a kick-ass 3-way head-down with friends was an amazing way to just blow the bullshit right out of the water, she could only see it as something “perverted” and even borderline sexual. Funny thing was, that opinion only made me think of a quote by a truly self-proclaimed pervert:

“I like threesomes with two women, not because I’m a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I’m a romantic. I’m looking for ‘The One.’ And I’ll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time.”
—Russell Brand

At least for me, when it comes down to it, if being a skydiver, or jump pilot or anything along those lines makes me a “pervert,” then I wholeheartedly embrace that title. Then again, I’ve probably earned that title for quite a few of the above reasons, just like most of my Fuckin’ Readers!!

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