I think cold weather encourages creativity. You never know what shenanigans those northern jumpers will get up to during their three-month weather hold.
The Des Moines Skydivers are looking for women who are able to put up with our adrenaline seeking tendencies.
Cloud nine denied! Assistance required!
Who wouldn’t want a lover who puts literally everything on the line for that sweet high? Ladies! Surely you can understand the desire to tip over the edge yet fall short of gratification? Come help us adrenaline junkies fall from heaven, and we’ll take you there from the sheets to nirvana. Satisfaction guaranteed!
However, before anyone’s desires are met, you must understand our need to live an EFS (Eat, F***, Skydive) lifestyle. Pamper us with free cuisine and later we’ll put you on the menu to be devoured. Our desires are vast, beyond normal convention. Only the insatiable dare fall off the edge with a skydiver as her only lifeline. Moan for us, we’ll make you scream instead. Fake porn stars beware. The mile high club will forever be far out of your reach–only a skydiver can take you to such heights.
And lastly but no less important, our need for freedom! Shackle us not, for we were meant to fly–or fall, as the case may be. Unless those ties involve a bed, of course.
Like what you see? Keep us short or long term but keep it casual! Bail money might also be required alongside the food bill. . . Hazards of the addiction. Being a lawyer or a doctor is definitely a bonus. Skydivers are liable to break limbs and be arrested. Or if you already own your own airplane. . . Let us jump out of it! You’ll be amply rewarded for your gracious generosity!
Try us out by to scheduling a tandem skydive this spring at Five One Five -Two Four Three-1711 or visit skydive 515 . com
Just in case anyone’s wondering, we could do with a sugar momma or two in sunny Florida, too. Way better perks than Iowa.