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It’s OK to Feel Nothing When Someone You Love Dies

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Written by Lara

People dying sucks. It hurts and they’re gone and you can’t bring them back and you’ll never get to hug them again. Sometimes it takes all you have to not cry for just fifteen minutes a day.

And then sometimes you feel absolutely nothing at all.

The site What’s Your Grief — besides being an awesome resource for all things grief — has a really good article if this is you.

Feeling Nothing During Grief: The disorienting experience of emotional numbness

The emotional numbness sometimes experienced in grief can feel especially disturbing because after a death you expect to feel so much. You might wonder, “What is wrong with me?!?! Why don’t I feel anything?!? Maybe I’m not a human being at all. Oh no, what if I’m a sociopath?!? Or a robot?!?” Feeling nothing during grief is alienating and isolating because everyone else seems pretty in touch with their feelings. You know you’re sad about the death, but you can’t actually access the emotions and so you feel different than others grieving the death.

Give it a read, and maybe check out the rest of the site as well. And know that you’re not alone.




  • But I’m not feeling anything. At all. No other emotions. And I’m. It grieving…
    My grandfather is about to die and I literally feel nothing. All I said when my mother told me was “oh”, then I cracked a few jokes to lighten the mood.
    I know he is dying. I knew he was going to die- well… sort of. Ish.
    Anyway, I don’t feel sad, I’m not in pain, I’m not grieving, I’m just “alright, yeah he’s dying. Kk.”

    • Sounds familiar my grandparent died unexpedtly last month and when my mom called me and told me i felt nothing i was actually trying to sound sad over the phone but that was about it. Even at the wake and funeral i didnt cry or feel sad i just relfected upon the awesome shit my grandfather had done with his life and i felt happy for him

  • Same thing here . i feel nothing …when my grandma died everybody cried and was grieving yet i was there feeling nothing . trying so hard to feel sad but couldn’t ( that was about 10 years ago) and today my new pre mature born sister just passed out and i am still feeling nothing . it’s like nothing happened . I still try so hard to feel sad or anything but i just feel nothing . Am i a cold parson ……………..

  • I know how you feel.. My mother died and I was not even mentioned as one of the surviving children. I read about it online, as I am the black sheep of the family and did everything I could to help my parents, but I was always the outcast. I think sometimes we have been hurt so much we just stopped feeling long ago…

  • I think the reason is that you’re are not sad is because you are not selfish, then you thus won’t grieve over someone’s death…

    Explanation: Sadness or grieving after someone’s death is common, but why is never for sure, but most guesses are selfishness. Explanation for why it is selfishness, is because you usually feel cut off from the person who has died, all the happiness, laughter, joy, experiences, stories, these are things that person who passed away might of gave you when alive, and you feel sad that you cant get those things from them anymore, because of death.

    So continuing, if you don’t feel sad, then that means you aren’t selfish, because it doesn’t bother You that You lost this person, and won’t be able to “profit” (Truth is hard) from your relationship with that person.

    P.S: “profit” in this case doesn’t have to do with earning more money than you loss. Simply just means gaining something after spending your time on that person. Whether or not, this time given to that person was on purpose or not for “profit”, doesn’t matter.

    Extra thing: Relationship is investment, when the person is alive you “profit,” but the moment he/she or pet or other companion, dies, You can’t profit, thus you would usually feel sad, or not in these cases, because you don’t care about what you lose when that person dies or can’t gain from that person death.

    (Kewl m8 my longest comment eva bro lit fam dab on the h8ers, and dab on the h8ters of this sentence.) <– My watermark. I made when I was young :l


    Use, for extra info…

    Note: None of this comment is actually my original thoughts…XD

  • i still feel something is wrong with me i am in medical profession nurse husband died 8 weeks ago loved him i am 70 years old we married divorced and married again after many years apart i cant cry have not cried had to rehome my dog at same time and yet cried my heart out over that i am anxious cant sleep and restless is this normal

  • When my dog died, I knew it was sad, but I felt nothing. It wad like nothing had happened. Usually, when pets and stuff die I just end up comforting my family and being sympathetic, to kind of distract them from the fact that I literally feel nothing. Usually I get the talk about “it’s okay to be sad” or “Why aren’t you crying? Are you that selfish that you just don’t care?” What happens if a family member dies and I can’t even cry? Is there something wrong with me?

  • i’m same too. just my father died. actually i felt norhing. but my aunts cry a lot. so i’m angry with them. but not sure angry with them for crying on funural to my father or just because i can’t cry. so confusing. maybe i’m not human at all. is it okay. i’m student.

  • I just lost my daughter. She was a still born. I cried a few times but I don’t feel as sad as anyone else in my family. They keep telling me this is one of the worst and saddest feeling I’ll ever feel in life but I don’t feel sad. I’m upset but I’m not saddened by our loss.

    And Not feeling sad MAKES ME SAD because I feel like scum for not feeling grief like I “should”.

  • I don’t have a reaction to death of anyone. Pets are different. I think I attribute it to my beliefs. I believe life dosnt end when our body dies and it’s actually a good thing because we get to go home after this life. I feel happy for whoever it is. Rather than have a funeral I’d rather have a celebration of life. I don’t think anything is wrong with it.

  • My husband died in April I grieved when he died and still do. My brother died 2 weeks ago I feel nothing not sad nothing.

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