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The BASE Museum and Memorial

Written by Moe Viletto

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Originally printed in issue #46 (Sept. 2013) of Blue Skies Magazine.
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For many years now, USPA, PIA and jumpers have been putting their efforts together in order to construct a National Skydiving Museum. They have been asking for donations, selling personalized bricks, benches and holding raffles. They have been gathering old gear and memorabilia to display. They also plan to honor those who helped to pioneer our sport with photos and literature. Progress has been slow but steady.

I think it is time for BASE jumpers to have their own museum and memorial. I have a plan that is similar but with an expedited process. First, those who are interested must fill out a form … well actually it’s a will. The will states that you leave everything you own to the Museum Fund when you pass.

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When the first person dies (Bouncin’ Billy), we use his money to purchase a plot of land. We will put up a sign that honors him with “Bouncin’ Billy Acres.” There will be other things in and around the memorial honoring him, such as flower gardens and benches.

When the next person dies (Jumpin’ Jonny), his assets will build the first floor of the museum which will be dedicated to him. Inside, visitors can view photos and videos of Jumpin’ Jonny’s career. High school graduation pictures, military days, family and friends. His gear will be in a glass case and his jumpsuit hung on a wall. Anything that described him would be available for the public to view.

When the next person passes (Denise Death), the second story is built with her “donation.” Same with her. All the history of Denise Death—videos of her as a kid jumping from her back porch with a bed sheet. Her trophies and records of accomplishment, etc. would all be displayed for viewing. We could even have her mounted and hung from the ceiling in her wingsuit. There will also be 25 cent viewing machines to see the life and times of our dead buddies.

The type of floor will be custom designed and built according to how much money was willed by that individual. For example: Leapin’ Larry left lots of loot to the fund. He can have his floor plan designed to his specs before he dies. Those who willed up all their assets and don’t have enough for their own floor can share a floor with others. Or, some may want to share a floor anyway, in order to be memorialized with a loved one or a team.

So, every time someone takes the “mighty whipper” their assets go into the Museum Fund that honors them with a dedicated floor. As more and more people die, the museum’s building starts to grow. Once it gets up to about eight or 10 floors, then it will be marginally jumpable.

Of course some number-chasing egomaniac will want to be the first to huck a gainer from it, will luck out and pull it off. This will cause a lemming effect, drawing more pea-brained following idiots to jump it as well. At this point the building will grow very very fast. These bozos will be cratering in all around the building. Of course they would all get their own floor and visitors could view all their history along with their last jump, right here at the memorial.

Eventually it will grow to a safe enough height where we can hold BASE courses, competitions and demos. Now, not only do we have our BASE Museum and Memorial, but we have one hell of a tombstone and a legal site as well.

All interested parties please send your will to me and I will handle everything … ahem … Trust me!

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