10: Excuses for Bad Swoops

By Mike Shatalov

10. It’s a new lineset, the canopy just doesn’t fly right!
9. I was just practicing a new turn/trying something new.
8. Didn’t get laid/got laid too much last night.
7. The wind pushed the top skin of my canopy causing me to sink in the turn/move off course.
6. My chest strap was so long it created extra drag.
5. I was laughing too hard after watching Ian Drennan face plant.
4. Man, i caught a thermal at like 1000 feet, that threw my turn way off and caused me to vertical.
3. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus into my eyes.
2. I had an extra serving of the weak sauce with my steak last night.
1. I just got scared.

Got a better excuse for your lame swoop? Don’t be greedy—add it to the comments and share the excuses.

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  • julio

    What about my shirt wasnt tight enough? Or, I saw Jay Mo do it so I thought I could…

  • Eric

    The snow drift was deeper in that spot and sucked my feet in…

  • steve yak

    what about, could not pick up my flailing sausages. Right Shatalov?

  • Rudi

    Yesterday a Ranch hand–who will remain nameless–popped out of his turn, leveled out waaay high, and yelled loudly enough for everyone on the deck to hear, “F*#@ing Neptune!”

    Yeah. Uh-huh. It was the altimeter’s fault.

  • jason baker

    my fucking newton sight blocked my vision

    • Liz G

      Rarified air molecules.

  • Daniel Richardson

    I was laughing too hard after watching Ian Drennan face plant, Again.

    Read more: http://blueskiesmag.com/2009/04/27/10-excuses-for-bad-swoops/#ixzz0oc0Vjy7r
    Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Share Alike

  • tyler

    My genitals were caught in my leg straps.

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