By Mike Shatalov

10. It’s a new lineset, the canopy just doesn’t fly right!
9. I was just practicing a new turn/trying something new.
8. Didn’t get laid/got laid too much last night.
7. The wind pushed the top skin of my canopy causing me to sink in the turn/move off course.
6. My chest strap was so long it created extra drag.
5. I was laughing too hard after watching Ian Drennan face plant.
4. Man, i caught a thermal at like 1000 feet, that threw my turn way off and caused me to vertical.
3. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus into my eyes.
2. I had an extra serving of the weak sauce with my steak last night.
1. I just got scared.

Got a better excuse for your lame swoop? Don’t be greedy—add it to the comments and share the excuses.

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Every month we will take some poor, unsuspecting stranger on a skydive and get to know him or her.

For now, enjoy this completely unrelated video of the world record 400-way.

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Today’s That Guy is the guy who buzzed the European ski lodge in a wingsuit, prompting the local mayor to attempt to ban BASE jumping, wingsuit BASE jumping, wingsuit BASE jumping within 3 meters of a recreational skiier and really, just anything that comes close to what that guy did. The video and resulting press coverage was all over the whuffo world, and we want to know: Who is that guy?

That guy is Dominik Loyen, German ex-engineer turned drop zone owner turned blue skies free spirit, whose penchant for all thing Spongebob leaves everything just a little uncomfortable. He currently splits his time between teaching first jump BASE courses at 3-2-1 BASE in Spain and AFF/camera/coaching in Norway.

Stay tuned for an in-depth, heart-wrenching, tell-all interview with Dom . . .

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What a terrible song that was. Hopefully that is not an omen of how this little venture will turn out. And now it’s stuck in my head.

It is 1 a.m. on a Friday night (Saturday morning?) in April and I am setting up the Blue Skies Magazine website. Although I don’t have kids, I imagine this is what Christmas Eve feels like to the parent of a picky 5-year-old—staying up late to wrap the presents from Santa, imagining the giddy, thankful scene in the morning when your beloved little creature wakes up and shrieks with delight to find the toy of his or her dream under the tree. You’re a little delirious – aren’t all parents of small children sleep deprived and slightly nutty? – and not just a little scared shitless. What if child *hates* present? What if child runs away to outer Mongolia to live with new parents who actually “get” him?

What this convoluted, slightly confusing analogy is meant to show is that we are doing all of this craziness (quitting great jobs with excellent insurance, working on Friday nights, living with the constant fear of failure) for you. We hope you like our website. We hope you shriek with delight upon opening your mailbox some sunny late-June afternoon to find the magazine of your dreams (no, not that magazine). We hope we can contribute something to the skydiving world.

So, I better get back to pushing buttons on this here interweb thingy. See you soon, and please start practicing your shrieks of delight.

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Yes, we’ll have some.

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Yuengling is delicious. Cold and brown, it quenches thirst as no other malt beverage can. Yuengling, yum.

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The Infinity is awesome.

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